June 2010
2 posts
3 tags
2 tags
May 2010
3 posts
April 2010
3 posts
1 tag
halphillips asked: Why have you not asked me any questions yet?
1 tag
February 2010
1 post
January 2010
7 posts
“If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.”
– Common sense goddamnit!
December 2009
6 posts
Heading to Europe? If you have one of the names on... →
allthelatestmoves:
(via graceinsmallthings)
Somehow I knew I’d win this.
Oh man, so close!
October 2009
1 post
September 2009
1 post
July 2009
1 post
June 2009
4 posts
important question
I just had a scary but important thought. All newborn babies look like aliens, so how do we know if a baby is really an alien in a baby suit? It would be the perfect disguise. I just blew your mind.
May 2009
3 posts
April 2009
7 posts
murder mysteries
Am I the only one who thought there was a possibility that the craigslist killer could have been someone they know? I had about a 68.4% suspicion it was my brother. I’m not proud of that thought, but given his affinity for finding love via the craigslist and mysterious life, it was a possibility. I’m really proud my family dodged the bullet on that one.
fact
Rock bottom has little or nothing to do with drugs. The true definition is when all your local coldstone ice cream artists know you by name and can recognize you on the street miles away from your local coldstone ice creamery.
dark family secrets
I was told the family secret while home for Passover. My brother was the stand-in for Don Johnson for entire run of Miami Vice. I am understandably upset by this news. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.
March 2009
14 posts
update
I did not win nor medal in the unemployment olympics. Apparently, I can’t throw a phone with great accuracy or pin a pink slip on the boss. It should be noted, there were more reporters in attendance than unemployed people.
good news
I’m sure you are closely following the diet journey of everyone’s favorite Claire Huxtable, the one and only, Phylicia Rashad. According to the newest Jenny Craig commercial, Ms. Rashad is in act two of her diet show. She said she is going “from good to better to best!” Since she’s at “better” now, I thought I could give my two cents of what...
the only cause I've ever cared about →
new game
I came up with a new game on accident today. Trip every kid you see on these. It’s really fun and feels awesome. Fat kids should probably be less points because they are easier to take down in general. Parents who still buy those shoes are real dicks, so the game is fair play by me.
career ideas
After hearing my name, a gay man at a bar approached me to be in his drag show as a woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman ala Connie and Carla (Toni Collette for the win!). I am considering this idea mainly because I want to see how my mother spins this career move into bragging rights to the congregants of Lincolnwood Jewish Congregation.
